So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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