make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
