We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
