Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
