I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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