Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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