Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
