fuck your aforementioned shoe
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
