I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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