Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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