Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
