i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize