You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
