I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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