at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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