I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
