I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
