ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
