Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
