first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
