no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
