drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
