awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
