I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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