im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
