I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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