i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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