This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
