Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
