i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
