I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
