There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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