well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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