you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I love you. Go after that dick
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
