We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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