I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
