i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize