Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
