Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
