i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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