you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
