My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize