Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
