some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
