Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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