One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
