He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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