she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
