I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
