I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
4 words: hood of his car
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
