shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
