Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
