My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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