Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
