Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
