I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
