my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
