I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
