if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
