i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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