So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
