theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
