I wish my penis had an off switch
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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