The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drunk is not a location!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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