Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
