Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
