What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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