Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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