How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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