that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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