I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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