I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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