Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
