im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
