oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
