broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
