sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
