Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
