Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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