i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
