apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
