As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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