I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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