He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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