dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
