I must be too annoying 4 u.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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