I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
