This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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