I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
