Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
