when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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