I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize