fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i think my cat just said my name.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
