you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
